idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
