New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
