The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
