i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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