what day is it and did you see me today?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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