I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
