Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
