I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
