Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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