You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
