Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
