Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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