smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
