Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
