apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
