I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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