so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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