the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
