Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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