Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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