Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
