Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
These tits shall not be calmed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
