i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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