tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
