i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Two words: nipple clamps
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