mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
