dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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