I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize