I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
