I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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