you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
