i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
