We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
