Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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