If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
