You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
