How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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