Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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