dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
