My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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