Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
