i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize