Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
