I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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