Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is Oprah even human
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
