well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
