And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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