So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize