Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
