Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
