is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
