Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
