i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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