haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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