He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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