Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
