dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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