are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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