I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
