I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
