I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize