Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i believe in u and ur pee
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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