this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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