very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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