I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
