But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
that's an acceptable place to lick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
