What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
