Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
