now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
