She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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