I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
God I need to hump something, right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
