Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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