So drunk its hurt
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
