I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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