Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
