I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
