i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we made out on top of his cat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
