as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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