I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize