new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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