Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
